I'm lonely - what do I do?

We all feel lonely sometimes. However, if loneliness lasts for a long time, it can lead to other problems, such as feelings of low mood or depression. Findings from recent research commissioned by laya suggest that 2/3 of people surveyed agreed that loneliness impacted their mental wellbeing. Because of these effects, it is vitally important to address loneliness when we feel it.  

Loneliness - the vicious cycle  

Loneliness is usually temporary, but is some situations, it can last over time, with devastating effects. Long-term loneliness has effects on mental and physical health and is even associated with a shorted lifespan. Findings from the research commissioned by laya showed that over half of people surveyed agreed that loneliness impacted their self-esteem and caused depression and anxiety, and just under half indicated that loneliness was stressful and caused poor sleep. Even more worryingly, when loneliness persists, it can lead to changes in behaviour. People who feel lonely over a long period of time tend to withdraw from others, which of course, leads to more loneliness - an effect we call the vicious cycle of loneliness. This is why it's so important to identify when we're feeling lonely, and to think of ways that we can resolve it.

Sport and other solutions for loneliness 

Not all loneliness is due to social disconnection. However, trying to think of ways we can improve our feelings of connection and belonging with others may help us to reduce loneliness. The research commissioned by laya showed that we tend to feel loneliest when we are by ourselves or at home, so getting out is likely to help us reduce these feelings.  

 Sport can be a great way to create feelings of belonging, which can reduce loneliness. For some of us, sport is a great way to create these feelings. In recent research commissioned by laya, 85% of respondents agreed that sport has a role to play in reducing loneliness in Ireland, and those who followed any sport were less likely to be lonely than those who did not, regardless of their age, gender, or socioeconomic group.  

 Additionally, this research demonstrated that many respondents attribute their loneliness to having few social activities to attend; joining sport clubs can be one way to change this. Of course, there is more than one way to get involved – for respondents to the laya commissioned research, sport involvement meant many different things – from watching, to coaching, to supporting children playing sports, to playing. These respondents reported that feeling part of a team could be a useful antidote to loneliness.

Finding ways to be alone together

Sometimes when we feel lonely, we don’t really want to meet people we know. Loneliness can make us withdraw – a bit like an animal licking their wounds. This withdrawal can be a positive thing as it can help us to gather energy to socialise again. At times like this, feelings of loneliness can lift if we spend “low-pressure” time with others – i.e. putting ourselves into situations in which we’re not expected to talk or engage with others. This can also help us to feel comfortable in our own company. Think of ways that you can enjoy being alone with others – for instance, sharing spaces like cafes, clubs, pubs, stadiums, parks, and libraries. Sometimes being alone together is just what we need to stop feeling lonely. And if we are feeling chatty, watching sports in shared spaces can also be a great conversation starter!  

Finding ways to be with each other

Loneliness can sometimes arise if we don’t feel connected to the people around us. Take some time to see if you can think of ways to reconnect with the people in your life – friends, family, and colleagues. Workplaces are often open to ways of improving social connection among employees. Are there family members or old friends who would love to hear from you, or receive a visit? Think of ways you can spend time with your friends – watching a film together, perhaps, or visiting a museum or going to a rugby match.  

Sometimes what we really feel we are lacking is new connection – are there hobbies you’ve always wanted to try, or a club you keep meaning to join? Any activity that you can keep going back to – e.g. weekly classes, sports training sessions – can be a great basis for making meaningful social connections, which can sometimes turn into friendships.  

Volunteering is another good way to reach out and make connections with other people. Pets can also help us when we are feeling lonely. Not all connections involve direct social engagement. Sometimes reading a book or engaging with culture, art, or sport in other ways can help us to feel connected to a broader network – to feel we’re part of a team. In the research commissioned by laya, 55% of respondents indicated that they had made friends through rugby, for instance.